Wednesday, April 11, 2012

So let it be? Or not?

I had a rough weekend, but then again, that doesn't sound very new does it?
Life has its ups and downs. 
I just wish I have already figured out what's the key to be happy longer,
carefree, excited, grateful, whatever you name it.

It was hard to admit that I've always been like this.
It's even harder to admit it to my family,
but at the same time it was torturing not to tell them everything on the inside.
I love my family so much.
I could never want to hurt them intentionally.
If I do, I would regret it greatly moments later.

Reading Zach Porter's blog always gives me a sense of hope.
That's how magical his blog posts are haha.

I believe he's more than a lead singer in a band,
he's an inspiration to so many of us.
I would give [almost] anything just to meet him and have a deep conversation with him.
The things he wrote is refreshing,
often I keep seeing people tweeting that he should write a book.
I agree.
He really should.


Saturday, March 31, 2012

Fix You

This post is specially dedicated to Constanza Torres,
a dear friend who I really want to meet someday who lives in Argentina.
Despite the hours difference, amazingly we are still able to communicate almost everyday without fail.
She's the same age as me even though she's four months older,
She is really, really pretty as well :)

Through my hard times she gave me some moral support,
which was like around a month ago or so.
And now, she's going through a phase where her dreams can no longer be a reality just as she has been yearning for since forever.
I just want to let her know everything is going to be fine.

I'm sure this does not apply to everyone, but for the some of us at some point in our lives,
we are force to choose something else to study or do that is not what we had in mind.
I'm one of them, and it was a fucking hard thing to do.
I want Performing Arts really bad,
but it's a course that is far too expensive for my parents and moreover, I have three younger siblings.
But enough with the details, to sum things up, I'm not doing Performing Arts or anything close to it at the moment.
I'm heading towards another direction instead, which sometimes I find it really hard to bear because it's not something I'm fully interested in.
It is true that as long as you're interested in it, the course you take might be hard, but enjoyable.
I'm not enjoying every minute of what I'm doing right now, but I'll have to make the best of it cause I have no choice.
If you're fucking sure of what you wanna do in the future, and you're able to go for it,
You're fucking lucky.

So Stanza [that's what I always calls her] wants to be a doctor,
and there's only one medical college there, so each year they only take in around 240 students,
she recently found out that all her efforts were wasted when she didn't passed the qualification that the college requires, and her marks were so damn close!
It's not easy, but I've never seen anyone so damn hard working,
I honestly thought she would made it this time.
But she didn't. She thought she would, but she couldn't.

I didn't know what to say or how to comfort her, 
I honestly know what she's going through though, cause I was there last year.
The feeling of wanting something so bad but yet you can't get it.
I shed a tear or two as her situation reminds me of mine.

I'm watching my friend living his and mine dream [we both share the same dream]
I remember he said, "I'll wait for you at the red carpet okay" haha
It's an inside joke between that guy friend of mine and I that one day we would both end up at red carpet.

I have a song for you Stanza. I hope you can listen to it soon.
I hope it made you feel better.
I hope this post makes you feel better too.
Love you girl :)

Fix You - Coldplay

"When you try your best but you don't succeed,When you get what you want but not what you needWhen you feel so tired but you can't sleepstuck in reverse...."

Life can be a bitch. 
I still believe everything happens for a reason, so I guess we'll just have to wait to see what the future holds for us all..

Suzzy aka Darkling Lovecraft

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Remember the times when you feel like giving everything up?

Just a heads up, if you're not comfortable talking about depression, or suicides, or cutting.
I suggest you leave,
I'll be posting several videos that I've randomly picked to watch today.
Videos that made me shed tears and curse myself for not being grateful enough.
One of the videos requires you to be 18 years old and above,
just another warning.

Issues such as self-harm in any form is nothing for you to joke about,
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I've personally heard my 'friends' laughing and scoffing whenever such issues are brought up, 
it was as if they think there are people out there who hurts themselves just for attention,
and they actually categorized them as weak in life.

Just no.

People need to slap themselves or swim with the sharks if they ever make fun of another person's self-harm issues.
Watch this video
This is a pretty gory video, just so you know.

Celebrities are humans too,
they feel, and they get hurt.
Demi Lovato is one of the strongest person I've ever heard of.
She's brave to speak out about this issue.
Don't judge people.

I have so much respect for people who have been through shit and yet they try to fight against it,
I have my share of depression days but it's definitely not as bad as others.
I just want to be able to do something, to show that they are not alone.
But how?

I have no say in telling them how they should pick up the pieces and let the time heals,
that is not enough.
But I just want to be there for those who's going through a really bad time and just mainly be there.
There's so many people who's afraid and ashamed of themselves as well,
please don't be, I want to help.
I don't know how to, I just want to.

They want attention you say?
Seriously? That's all you can think of saying after watching these videos?
Well fuck you then.
Fuck you, and your stupidity.

I always feel hopeless whenever I watch videos like this,
I would leave a comment in hope that it would make them smile,
and at least they'd know they are not alone.
I wish I could change all this.
I really do.

Whoever's out there who happens to see this and needs someone to talk to,
I'm here for you.

Brb. Shedding more tears.
I'm so blessed.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

Another typical Friday night?

I get emotional during night easily :)
It's so easy to just let everything haunts you back, 
one by one,
one after another.
It's somehow much more easier to be sentimental and just, 
don't give a damn about anything else but to watch your flashbacks playing in your mind endlessly.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post,
I just thought I'd let my thoughts flow through my fingers and type out whatever I'm thinking at the moment.
Oh look, food!

I'm seriously hungry at the moment, and it's past midnight, 
that's not good.

People said not to regret your mistakes, 
cause they made you who you are today.

Even so, I still feel as if it was a waste of time to get involved in the first place.
Idk why. 
But I'm still regretting all my actions years ago.
I guess it's just a scar that will never really heal.

I give up.
This post is useless as fuck hahaha.
Bye beautiful :)

Suezie aka Darkling

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day :)


Are there no official songs for Valentine's Day? :)

Happy Valentine's Day to whoever who happens to stumble across this blog of mine.
You're looking beautiful,
so smile and smile and smileeeee.

Some people are just so anti-Valentine hahaha
it's sad,
cause it's a special day to show your loves one extra love!
Although I strongly agree that we should show that everyday, not just today.

It doesn't have to be a chemistry love [boyfriend girlfriend love]
it can be your love towards your family, your friends, you food, your house, your dog, your cat, your mirror
and last but not least,
yourself :)

I'm gonna listen to this song for the rest of my night.

Zach's voice is as sexy as fuck.
I'm in love with this song.


Suezie aka Darkling